My Blog Journal


If the Pattern Wills It…

Regency Cat handmade bookmark, Wheel of Time

“Always something new, always something I didn’t expect, and sometimes it isn’t horrible.” ~ Rand Al’Thor, The Great Hunt

Someone once optimistically said, “No news is good news”… and I hate to disillusion them, but it isn’t always the truth.   In my case, “no news” is usually bad news because I hate sharing my weaknesses and worries with the whole world.

And since I have a blog online, I mean quite literally … the whole world.

Everyone has access to my thoughts and musings here; friends, family, bosses, co-workers, my landlady, my neighbors…. there are times I wish my blog were as ‘private’ as Facebook…. (and yes, I see the irony of that statement!) with a system in place to ‘filter’ the news I share.

But that defeats the purpose of an online journal, huh?

Perhaps in light of real catastrophes such as tornadoes, terrorists, zombies, nuclear power leaks, raptures, and Canadian postal strikes… someone could help me to see things in perspective.

In the past, I’ve dealt with stress by over-sleeping, fasting (erm, okay… starving), throwing myself into hobbies, love-affairs, or immersing myself in fantasy novels.

I mean, how can somebody complain about chocolate syrup on the carpet, when an evil entity is breaking free from his immortal captivity to destroy creation?

Or the fact that my once-immaculate house is crawling with ants, if somewhere an army of blood-thirsty monsters are wreaking slaughter on a village of unsuspecting farmers?

So what if my children throw temper tantrums over their cereal, or refuse to eat dinner? A cursed Blight might turn fresh food rotten, poison crops with incurable disease, and spread famine and death across the country….

It’s so easy to lose oneself in the sufferings of people who never existed.

“Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive, gloriously alive, today.”
~ Mat Cauthon, Fires of Heaven

Okay, I have a confession: I’ve recently resumed my former love-affair with James Ridney Jr.
My husband knows all about it… and his attention has been diverted with re-runs of “LOST”, that he doesn’t care why I’m awake at 3:00AM with another man.

If you aren’t intimately familiar with Mr. Ridney already, please click this link first….
and for pity’s sake, put that red letter away. ;)

I’ve been completely absorbed in reading “The Gathering Storm” and “Towers of Midnight”, which were actually written by Brandon Sanderson with copious notes and drafts left behind by the late author.

Averaging 100 pages per day, once a conservative number for this avid bookworm, is now consuming virtually all of my ‘free time’ for the last two weeks. For a series whose books range between 760-1000 pages in length.

I haven’t abandoned my artwork completely…. as, well… um…. as this new distraction inspired me to create bookmarks!! See?!? ROFL
Michelle, from The True Book Addict has been trying to persuade me to make some. So there ya go, Michelle! LOL

Painting and creating art, once considered a hobby, has become ‘work’ to me – something that needs to be done.
And as a true procrastinator, anything ‘needing to be done’ is avoided as long as possible.

However the time may come, sooner than I’m prepared for, when creating art and struggling to keep an organized house may take a backseat to a job with a steady income.

“The men in my family are strong because the women in my family kill and eat the weak ones.”
~ Robert Jordan

Joe’s boss gave him some potentially devastating news about his future with the company. In a gutsy way, no less.
On a Friday afternoon… 2 days before Father’s Day (what a terrific way to celebrate being a Dad, huh?)… and coincidentally after the HR dept. had already left for the weekend.

Having received a pat on the back and a “good ol’ boy” annual raise at his yearly evaluation in March, the news came as an unexpected slap in the face. We spent the whole of last weekend re-connecting as a family, trying to cheer him up, making lemonade from … cat poop.

Of course, nothing has been determined yet… and we won’t know anything for certain until later this summer… but I tossed my cards on the table and offered to return to work full-time in retail management if the worst happens.

It opens a whole undesirable can of worms, though…. not least of which would be integrating the kids back into the daycare system.
We never had success with daycare, having gone through 3 sitters in one year, and we’ve scratched our heads at everyone else who makes it look so easy.

Being halfway across the country from our nearest relatives doesn’t make babysitting struggles any easier.
Who can you affordably find to watch young children every weekend AND every major holiday?
What about 4:00AM on Black Friday?
Or 6:00AM on New Year’s Day?

What happens when they catch a stomach bug, or a fever, and daycare cannot (by law) accept them until they’ve recovered? Mild fevers and loose stools can last for days.

I’ve been written up by my supervisor for missing work due to sick kids, or cancelled daycare.
We seriously do NOT want to repeat that drama again…. or the confrontations with sitters because my workload or unforeseen event caused me to run late picking them up.

This potential threat to our situation also means I probably won’t be participating in that 40,000+ attendee arts & crafts festival I had hoped to do this fall.
The investment required for buying printing supplies en masse, frames and mats, cellophane bags, etc. might well be recouped if my prints and paintings sell well.
But I’m not a gambler.
I don’t want to spend extra money at a crucial time when we need to conserve it.

There is a small selfish part of me that wants to take over as breadwinner, and force Joe to remain home with the children …. I want to come home from my gruelling 12+ hour workday, plop onto the couch and watch TV or read for a couple of hours, until I fall asleep.
Naturally, I’ll let him worry about putting the kids to bed.
And waking them in the morning. Fixing their meals. Cleaning their messes.
And every tantrum and fight in between. :P

But then, I’d have to give him an allowance, and watch him blow it on “stuff” for his entrepreneurial ventures, and listen to him whine about “not having any time” to cultivate his online business….
knowing that if he managed his time as effectively as I managed my inventory of tuna fish and applesauce, he’d put the fantasy novel away and get his butt back into the studio!

If the Pattern wills it, we will trade places, and he can finally build some of those wooden pieces he has been promising me ~ since our first date!

If we’re blessed, things will remain as they are, and I’ll continue to whine about the kids, the cats, the chores, and how stressed out I am.

Until the sun sets, and we all turn into monsters and eat our neighbors.

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