My Blog Journal


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Naughty Google is Sitting in the Corner

Because the deep and profound thoughts that have haunted my brain for the last 6 hours refuse to coalesce into a blog post, I am throwing you a funny bone instead!

A few random bits of absurdity that make up my life.

For example, when I logged into WordPress a short time ago, I was greeted by my stats bar – which shows how people stumbled across my blog.
Those magic Google keywords and phrases they used to get here.

It is a clear snapshot, revealing the topics people are interested in studying…
things like “secret zombie outbreaks”“Crowds of demonic people”… and “disgusting vaginas”.

Folks inquiring about “Disgusting eye backgrounds” and a “painting of cat on a man’s face”.

I also received visitors curious in “Vacuum cleaning nude”… and being “spanked in a punishment outfit and put in the corner bare”

There were many other explicit things that I dare not even type.
I’m not making these things up. Seriously.

Sometimes I think Google has lost its marbles.

And Kathleen would blame the strange tags I use, like “boy wearing fairy wings”… but you’d have to have an imagination on steroids to make the Herculean leap from fairy wings to “an erotic experience while riding a horse”. ;)

“You have been online for one year do you wish to get offline and get a life? Options:yes-no-remind me next year!”

Wordpress search keywords key phrases stat summary

Oddly, I searched for this exact phrase and couldn't find my blog.

I’m curious whether I could actually compose a blog post incorporating all those elements, to satisfy any freak who might pop in.
Hmmmm…. creative writing assignment gone wild!

Anything I find hilarious, bizarre, or fascinating …gets shared on Facebook.
And if we’re not already friends, then your Facebook wall is missing that extra splash of crazy sauce.

Without me to remind you “not to eat your yogurt with a fork”,
where would you be?
Covered in yogurt, that’s where!

Facebook has this great app that I found last year, called Year in Status.  
I shared mine for 2009 along with my ruminations about turning 30, but here is a recap of stuff you might’ve missed from 2010:

TaraFly's Facebook Status Updates in 2010

And for those of you unable to read that tiny font… and don’t you dare say it’s just my eyes! I’m warning you… ;)

My contributions to the Facebook Madness:

  1. TaraFly wants to know how many people faithfully ate their sauerkraut last night… and whether it has affected your luck in years past. ;)
  2. In real life, the beautiful girl meets her Prince Charming, they fall in love, and she spends her Ever After cooking and cleaning for Beasts.
  3. TaraFly is feeling slighted because the neighbors didn’t invite her to their furniture throwing party… (again!) … Making plans to throw one herself – BYOB (Bring Your Own Bureau)
  4. Guesses the neighbors must’ve run out of dressers to hurl, and now they’re breaking coffee tables.
  5. Wants to know who needs their diaper changed…. C’mon, fess up!
  6. I will be celebrating only the 4th of Christvaleasthanuween-giving this year. Makes decorating much simpler.
  7. TaraFly sliced open her finger while washing aluminum cans. Eh. Didn’t need all this blood anyway.
  8. It’s time to get some chicken flavored tick-tacks, or else don rubber gloves and BRUSH MY CAT”S TEETH!!!
  9. Survived Snowmageddon, and all she received was this lousy mountain of snow piled onto her vehicle by a sorry bunch of neighbors borrowing her OWN shovel. ;)
  10. Wonders why anyone would take a survey titled “20 Things You Wouldn’t Want Anyone To Know About You”. :P
  11. TaraFly ate the blasted Bunny, but all the candy came just the same. :P
  12. TaraFly is tired of confirming the same friend, 4 days in a row! Either Facebook has a fatal flaw, or the friendship wasn’t meant to be. :P
  13. TaraFly has a front row seat at the races tonight… and might even place a bet on the grey tabby.
  14. TaraFly recommends Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern if you have trouble dieting. Nothing kills an appetite like watching him eat live bugs. :P
  15. TaraFly needs more pizza sauce in her lap.
  16. Finally discovered my calling in life. I was born to be CRAZY!
  17. TaraFly thought she had seen the last of the politically correct “Three Little Pigs”, but it has re-surfaced and is demanding to be read. Time for PC piggy annihilation.
  18. TaraFly wants Facebook to stop pressuring her to LIKE things, simply because 15,000 other people liked it…. Has she ever made a popular decision in her life?!?!
  19. TaraFly knows that cat fur is the Spice of Life. You can eat it with anything.
  20. TaraFly wonders how a person stabs their knee with a needle, while sewing a stuffed animal…. Screw those thumb guards. This girl needs a body cast.
  21. TaraFly washed and folded a load of laundry, swept and vacuumed, made breakfast, cleaned dishes, changed 3 litter boxes, dressed kids, scrubbed fridge and stove. Is looking forward to sitting down to finish a piece of art…. and daring the children to spill or break something.

And the runner-ups:

  • TaraFly turned into a pumpkin 7 minutes ago… and realized, too late, that pumpkins cannot walk upstairs to their bedrooms… or type on Facebook with their jkfl,gjdbh.lsfjt,murt….
  • TaraFly couldn’t afford to pay the exorcist any longer, and got repossessed.

 

  • Please put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by a dragon. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn’t know, they can breathe fire. 93% of people won’t copy and paste this, because they have been eaten by dragons. The other 7% of people are sitting in the shower, armed with fire extinguishers.

So I’ll leave you with this invitation to join me on Facebook, because I need to get outta here!
Before the crowds of demonic zombies, with disgusting eyes and vaginas, come here to paint cats on my face, and force me to vacuum in the nude.
Or worse….

2 Comments

  •    Reply

    Hi there Tara…

    Wayhay! The site is looking awesome, well done you. You have really licked it I think.

    I went and found my status collage and added it to my personal blog (not the art one), retro-actively. Yours is a lot more entertaining than mine, that’s for sure. Mine seems a tad grumpy to be honest.
    http://www.illusio.net/2010/12/my-facebook-status-collage-for-2010/

    Anyway…congrats on the new site launch. I am very honoured to be the first commenter (I think).

    Cheers
    Lorrie

    p.s. Very entertained by the key words thing…

    •    Reply

      Thanks Lorrie! I’ve been playing around with websites since the late 90’s, but I do think this site overall is a vast improvement over my previous attempt(s)… thanks to WordPress, of course.
      I have to keep “minimalistic” as my mantra, and I think WordPress will curtail any impulses I have to load it up with extraneous fluff and nonsense. We’ll see….

      Actually, I might just share all my previous web-designs in a “flash back” style blog, so everyone can laugh! Remember starry-sky backgrounds and animated horizontal lines?! I had ’em, baby!
      And I prided myself on NOT having glitter! :P

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